Marriage Revelations

Our pastor has been delivering some amazing messages about marriage. I have been blessed to have shared the last 12 years in matrimony with my amazing husband.

I would be lying if I said it was all sunshine and roses. We’ve had some minor bumps in the road. We have had ups and downs and in the process have had three wonderful kids. Every new turn has brought on an opportunity for growth. Thankfully, as we’ve grown over the years, we’ve grown in our relationship with God and it has grown our relationship together.

Over the next few weeks, I would like to share with you some of the revelation that God has given to me either directly or through walking out a season with my husband that has helped me be the wife God has called me to be or helped Ryan and I in our marriage. We are so far from perfect, but we love each other and love God even more.

The first revelation took me far too long to realize. This was an less of an “ah hah!” and more of an “oh duh!” moment once I realized it.

I had been the normal wife in my mind: taking my complaints of my husband to the sympathetic ears of my family and friends. I was just venting. What was the harm in getting it off my chest?

I didn’t realize the harm I had done to my marriage until I heard what my friends all thought of my husband. I had painted a picture of the worst of the man I married. I disrespected my husband to the people who should have supported us the most.

God gave me the revelation that if I had a problem in my marriage, my husband should be the only one beside the Lord that I turn to in order to solve it. I wasn’t achieving anything by going outside of my marriage besides sympathy. I don’t need friends on my side, I need my husband at my side. In marriage there is no side. I am one flesh with my husband. We need to work at it together and be on the same side. If you divide a marriage into him versus her there is no unity.

Stop talking crap about your spouse and take the matter to him or her. Stop looking for someone to be on your side. You and your spouse are on the same side. You do not fight against flesh and blood! In unity, you have strength.


What are you putting on?

On the first day of my last semester of nursing school, I put on some makeup as part of my morning routine. Today it felt more important than other days. I joked with my husband that I was putting on my game face. As I put on my foundation I started thinking about why I felt it so necessary to put on makeup today. Certainly many of my classmates had never seen me with makeup on or even noticed. The teachers know me so it’s not like I need to look extra special for them. In fact, I hardly ever wore makeup to class on non-test days.

I started dressing nicer and wearing makeup on test days because I had read a study that said that people who go into a test more confident tend to pick better answers regardless of their knowledge of the subject. Doing a superhero pose in the bathroom and affirming who I am in Christ had become part of my pre-test ritual. It’s nursing school, I will take any advantage I can. My test scores did improve when I went into a test feeling confident. The days I skipped this and hung out with my friends who were freaking out, I didn’t do as well.

So back to standing in front of my mirror on my last first day….

I realized that I was putting on my makeup as war paint. I had grown over the summer with God and made some tough calls on who I was going to be in this last 4 months of school. I decided that I could no longer enable people by being excessively helpful. I decided that negative influences needed to be avoided and that people who speak life into me would be the ones I surrounded myself with. I was putting on a front of confidence so I would stick with this plan. And because I am a small group leader, I immediately made a note of this and thought about what sort of fronts we put up to protect ourselves or protect our image.

I pretty regularly put on the “good parent” mask, the “got it all together and totally is a real adult” mask, the “financially responsible adult” mask, the “not freaking out about stuff” mask, etc. I had done this for years. I had taken fake it til you make it to an extreme. I was afraid of doing things I could not be confident in my ability to do. I had let an image of perfection petrify me. I hated what I looked like, because try as I might, I could not hide my overweight body from the world.

God had worked out in me over the last year that I was not building false confidence and putting up a facade of someone I wasn’t when I stood alone in the bathroom telling myself what His word said about me. I AM the righteousness of God in Christ. I AM the head and not the tail. I AM above and not beneath. I AM the daughter of the Most High! I AM blessed going in and blessed going out. I HAVE the mind of Christ. I HAVE peace that passes all understanding. I HAVE NO LACK for my God supplies all my needs according to HIS riches in glory. I could go on and on. God loves me and I AM made for more than these struggles. If I know who I am, I don’t need those masks. I don’t have to hide my flaws because God can work them for good.

God impressed on me as I finished putting on my make up that I needed to put on a few more things. I had to clothe myself with the presence of Jesus. (Romans 13:14). I can’t allow myself to get sucked into the pettiness and vanity of this world. I had to put on the full armor of God. I had to put on the belt of truth, the breast plate of righteousness, and on my feet I need to stand firm in the peace that comes from the Good News. I had to grab that shield of Faith and raise the sword of the spirit. (Ephesians 6:10-18) I had to open my bible and spend some time with God to prepare myself properly.

Now, this doesn’t mean that I am covered in the full armor so I don’t have to try anymore. I have to be a good steward. I have to try to do all things with excellence. (Colossians 3:23-24/Ephesians 6:7) I know who I am and with that knowledge comes a responsibility to act like it. I am confident in who I am. I am confident that I am able. Paul wrote to the Philippians that he is confident that God, the one who started good works in them will perfect it until the day of Jesus return. (Philippians 1:6) I am confident that God has started me on this path and will see me through it. The Lord will be my confidence and will keep me from stumbling. (Proverbs 3:26)

God doesn’t take us to one understanding and leave us there. He takes us from glory to glory, from revelation to revelation. In doing this we engage into a deeper relationship with Him. Know who you are. Be his daughter or son. Be confident in that. There will be tests, there will be trials.(John 16:33) Studies show that people who are confident going into those tests will make better choices despite their lack of knowledge. If your confidence is in Him and who you are in Him and you listen to His voice, he can guide you through these trials. (Joshua 1:9)

You can chose to be afraid, to get swept up in the freak out and lament how things are going… OR You can be confident in who you are in Christ and LET GOD BE GOD. YOU HAVE the peace that passes all understanding.

“How can you not be freaking out about your clinical schedule?” – a classmate regarding the mess that is signing up for clinicals.

What I have to remember to keep my peace: I am the head and not the tail, I am above and not beneath, I am blessed going in and blessed going out. I am a highly favored daughter of the Most High King.

“You look like you have your hands full.” – A stranger in the grocery store as I am trying to shop and keep my three kids in line.

What I have to remember to keep my peace: My heart is full too, because my children are a blessing and God has chosen to anoint me to be their mother. God gives provision with anointing and I am equipped to be a good mom.

God has a plan for you and it is good. Be confident in HIM.

For reference, below is a link to a list of things you are/have in Christ and scriptures to go with it. I like to have these available to me when the enemy tries to cut me down.

Knowing Who I am in Christ



Can I just peek at that plan?

So when God gives you a dream, a vision, an idea, a passion, a calling, whatever you want to call it…we tend to see the end goal picture first. We get excited.

We want to shout from the rooftops, LOOK AT WHAT GOD IS GOING TO GIVE ME!

It’s like when you see a picture of a house that you want to own. Like looking at the virtual online tour of your perfect dream home.

I love floor plans. Since I was a kid, I have always been obsessed with floor plans. I have drawn out the floor plan of almost every house I have lived in. When I think of how I will arrange a house or room before I move in, I draw a rough floor plan. When I got tired of living in junky old rent houses, I would dream of homeownership and look at floor plans online. Even floor plans of modular or mobile homes got me excited.

I get annoyed when I can’t visualize the layout of a house that I am viewing online and there is no floor plan. I see a room here, but does it connect there? Or there? Is that a closet? Or a bathroom?

I like to see the whole plan, how it’s laid out, the flow from room to room.

And God has been talking with me A LOT lately about the dreams he’s given me. When He gave me those dreams, he didn’t let me peek at the floor plan. He let me see some snapshots of the end result. Where I could be when he wanted me there, if I followed his plan for me.

Of course, I decided that jumping to the end was going to happen right away.

After all, I am supposed to be the next joyce meyers/kim walker smith plus nurse missionary, right? I knew the nursing dream would have to wait…I have to be trained and have a degree and license to do all that…..

But it didn’t occur to me that my knowledge of God’s word had to be strengthened, my relationship with God had to get closer, my voice range/tone and other technique issues had to improve. I was going to chase after that final picture of what God showed me!

I sat down to write a book I felt God wanted me to write and the first several chapters flowed so easily. Then the next few were harder, and then the items that were next on the list, I had to slow down on because, Father forgive me, I had not yet finished walking them out in my life.

I had to put it down. I had to walk out those areas of my life with God. Then we would circle back around to an area I had already “mastered”. The “why does this keep happening to me?” started changing to “No. I’ve already beaten you enemy, why do you come back?” and I had to face the fact that I was allowing him to come back, by my own habits. My stewardship sucked. I got frustrated. “Where are the promises of God? I believe they are for me! Where are they?”

Then I begged God to show me his plan. I begged him to give me a sign. He showed me my end picture again. So I would jump up and chase after it like I had already mastered the steps to get there. And fall flat again.

In the midst of that, I was pursuing my dream of nursing. And I got so close to starting nursing school. I graduated from community college, I started at a university and only had two classes that I needed before starting. Only, they couldn’t be taken together. I had to take one, then the other. So I went to the adviser. I asked what I could do. She told me that I could take these other courses with them that were part of my nursing program. And I foolishly thought that it would mean a shorter time on the other side of nursing school. I took all those courses along with my two science classes. I got accepted into nursing school and when I went to register for classes, I find that I could only take ONE nursing course my first semester. I had 4 hours….BUT I WORKED AHEAD! I started early. I asked, if I only have 4 hours this semester, and only 9 hours the next semester, then Why can I not take them together? And they explained very nicely that in order to do the nine hours worth of coursework, I had to have the knowledge from that 4 hour class. Without that, I would not be equipped to take the next classes.

And now you see where this dream ties with the others. I needed a foundation of knowledge before I could know what to do next. I kept circling around to the same stumbling blocks because I hadn’t laid down that foundation. There’s no skipping ahead. There’s no cheating the system. You have to learn what you have to learn before you can move forward.

That’s when they handed me this nifty piece of paper that said “Degree Plan Course Sequence” And it laid out the next two and a half years worth of classes for me that I must take in that exact order to get my degree. And I came to accept this, because I could not change it and because I had a piece of paper that laid out a plan for me.

God didn’t give me a neat little piece of paper that said “Dream Plan Life Sequence”. But he did give me his word. He laid out a way I should live this life in his word. He tells me that he has plans for me. (Jeremiah 29:11) Those plans for my good and to make me prosperous and give me hope and a future. He tells me who I am. He tells me I am loved and that I CAN DO ALL THE THINGS THAT HE WANTS ME TO DO.

You see, God didn’t show me that picture of a future for me to dangle a carrot in front of me. He showed it to me to give me hope. He is saying “when I see you, I see the potential you have and the plan I have for you and the things you will do for my kingdom. You’re not there yet, sweetie, but look how far you’ve come. Now, are you going to trust me? Are you going to do the work?”

God doesn’t give me the floor plan because he knows I might start making changes to it where I don’t like things. It’s too uncomfortable to learn how to walk under authority, so I’m just going to be the boss. It’s to expensive to do this, so let’s just pull back the budget on this vision. We don’t need a 5 bedroom house right now, so let’s cut costs and go with a four….but do you know what God’s going to do with that extra room? Do you know where God’s going to pour out provision in your life? Do you know the people God is going to use to get you where you’re gonna be? God knows I’d get impatient and start settling for less that what he wants for me. I’d pick the “close enough” that the enemy offers me.

God doesn’t give me my floor plan because he knows I’ll only work on building up me. My focus and my attention switches from the cross and furthering the kingdom and spreading love to others and focuses on what God is going to do for me.

So instead, he gives me a snapshot of the future and some small steps in the right direction.

Along the way, he gives me opportunities to see what he’s doing in someone else and help them slap on some dry wall. While I’m focused on Him, reading his word and pouring it out into others. While I help build someone else up, he’s pouring a foundation for who he wants me to be. While I learn to walk in obedience to those in authority over me on earth, I learn to walk in obedience to God. He pulls in some mentors, some other believers who help me walk out the hard areas of my life and who start building a framework of the person he needs me to be. He doesn’t send me the yes men, who will wallow in pity with me. He sends me the people who say, “no. this is what the word says. This is what God says.” They patch up the holes where I am letting the enemy throw stones into my house. He shapes me into who he wants me to be. Why do I have to be the person He needs me to be to get where I need to go? Because, it was never about me. This dream. This call. It was never about me. It’s about Jesus. I’m always a work in progress. I’m not gonna reach that end goal and just rest. That’s just the beginning of the next floor. I’m never going to be perfect. I just a reflection of the son.  

The Fruits of Maturity

A lot of adult believers tend to categorize the bible. There are the bible stories and other “kids stuff” and there is the grown up stuff. I have dealt with the “kids stuff” as a lot as a former children’s pastor. Amazingly enough, while teaching the children, I grew so much by getting revelation from what I was teaching. Where we go wrong is that there is no ADULTS/KIDS ONLY categories. The word of God is for everyone. Kids don’t have Jesus, Jr. They have the same Jesus that lives in us. 

Since we know that none of the bible is sectioned off in a kids only section, I will share one of the children’s lessons that I worked with extensively: The Fruits of the Spirit! If you teach kids, you probably think right off the bat that the fruit of the spirit is not a coconut. The fruits of the spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. These are not just for kids, they are signs that you are mature as a believer.

“But the fruit of the [Holy] Spirit [the work which His presence within accomplishes] is love, joy (gladness), peace, patience (an even temper, forbearance), kindness, goodness (benevolence), faithfulness,gentleness (meekness, humility), self-control (self-restraint, continence). Against such things there is no law [that can bring a charge].”

– Galatians 5:22-24 (Amplified Bible)

Our spirit is like any living thing. It needs to be fed and nurtured to survive. The bible tells us in Ezekiel 36:26 that when we accept Jesus, God puts a new spirit in us as well as taking out our stone heart and giving us a heart of flesh. That new heart is going to be able to open up more, love more and feel more. This new spirit needs to be watered. It needs to be nurtured.

As believers we have a tendency to put our spirits on what I like to call the “ramen bible diet”. We get what what we can live on, but not what is going to be nourishing to our spirit. We go to church, we hear a sermon, we chew on that for a bit and maybe see a few verses pop up in our facebook newsfeed and that is what sustains us until we get to Sunday the next week. We feel a move of the spirit and we think its enough to hold us over until the next sermon.

On that diet your spirit stays alive, but it bears no fruit or very small hard fruit. We begrudgingly love our neighbor because we know its what we are supposed to do. We feel joy in the joyful moments but when we hit trouble, it brings us into worry and depression. We can’t even begin to fathom what God wants from us as far as self control is concerned. We just kind of do what we think is right, just so long as it doesn’t hurt anyone besides us.

When we start to expand our spiritual diet, it starts slow, maybe with some faith based music thrown in. Then we add a little preaching from people on television, maybe read a book or two our friends recommended. And our spirit will grow a little more. When we really start digging into the word daily, and getting our “daily bread”, that is when our spirit starts to thrive. It’s not just living, it is exceeding. We start to line up our hearts with what His word says and we start to use our spirit to tap into what the Holy Spirit is speaking to us. When we really truly start to fellowship with God, those fruits begin to blossom. It’s evidence that Holy Spirit is dwelling within you. You can be joyful in the hard times. You can have the gentleness to deal with difficult moments with other believers. You can wait on God for His promises to you, and while you are waiting, you can have peace knowing that God does his part always. You just have to do yours. You can change your habits, and you can have control over your desires and exercise your self control.

It’s difficult to do alone, but when you feed your spirit the right diet of God’s word and nurture it with listening to the leading of the Holy Spirit, you are mature enough to see that you are never alone when you have God on your side. Hebrews 13:6 says “So we take comfort and are encouraged and confidently and boldly say, The Lord is my Helper; I will not be seized with alarm [I will not fear or dread or be terrified]. What can man do to me?”

Today, I challenge you to pick up your bible, and sit down for a spiritual meal with the King of Kings. I know the bible seems intimidating.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

Make it a habit. You are not too busy to unlock the spiritual potential inside of you.

Brake Check

How many times have you been going along in your car, not paying attention to your speed and you see a police car? What is your gut instinct? Hit the brakes, just in case. Slow down and make sure you aren’t getting in trouble. You check your mirrors as they pass to make sure they don’t pull a u-turn and flip on the flashing lights.

Sometimes, we apply our same mentality about respecting the authority of the police to God. We hit the brakes when we see the police car. We hope and pray that those lights don’t flash. We speed when we don’t see an officer on the horizon.

When we can’t see the end plan of what God has for us on the horizon, we tend to be the same way. We get lax in our respect for God and how we should live our lives. We don’t give our best to God and make sure that we are devoted to our calling. Then when we hear a call from God we get a little brake check in our hearts. You never know what God has just over that hill, just around that corner, just after that rough spot, but he is always working for your good.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 (NIV)

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jerimiah 29:11 (NIV)

Check your hearts today like we check our brakes.  Are you working toward his call and his purpose? What’s holding you back from God’s plan for you?


It’s been a while

Hello to my few faithful followers. It has been a while.
I’ve been focused on nursing school and following the path that God has put me on within my church body.

Lately it’s been on my heart to share my testimony with young women. I’ve been praying about how God wants me to go about doing that. I could write blog posts, I could write a book, I could speak to teen groups. Please partner with me in prayer for direction.

God has been faithfully providing me with opportunities to serve and I am so excited to be given a chance to study in London this summer and am working to find a place in Paris to do mission work over my break. Please pray with me that the right connections are made and that I may be able to serve God in whatever capacity He needs me to work in.

I will do my best to update more often and share some of the great things God is revealing to me!

Working on a Bigger Revelation

I have not posted here in some time. I am sorry for those who follow this very sparse blog. 

I have been called by God to write a book. I do not say that lightly. In fact, everytime I start to doubt, God sends a person who does not know that I am writing this book to tell me to work on it. One person went so far as to pray for me and then say “You need to write a book!” Most people gave me a “stop worrying about pleasing others and do what God has told you to do” or “get out of your own way, God has something you are supposed to be working on.” 

I did not want to announce this publicly for a couple of reasons.

1. People can criticize it now. The enemy uses people you care about against you to nay say your dreams sometimes. Other people may say I am not qualified. This has been my big hang up. I have heard over and over again, “God does not call the qualified, he qualifies the called.” I think I am going to take that a step further and quote scripture. “They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.” Revelation 12:11 
I am not going to run from a calling because I worry what others will say. I will use my testimony and the revelations God has given me to be a light in the darkness, for his glory, not mine. By accepting Jesus, I am called to be a light. Am I more worried about people pleasing than pleasing God? I shouldn’t. So, I shouldn’t fear people’s reaction. 

2. If I don’t tell anyone, I can’t let anyone down. People can’t hold me accountable if they don’t know. I was afraid of letting God down, but mostly, I didn’t want anyone to hold me to a commitment I made to God. I kept telling myself this is between me and God, no one else has to know. Well, it meant an absence from this blog because I was working on the book, which I have not explained so I had to tell you guys. I also had to tell because I get weak sometimes. I give in to what is easy, not what is right. I need you guys to ask me how it is coming along, so that I can stay on track. 

So I am doing some deep study and making notes and following the spirit. I will be self publishing this work as an e-Book. As soon as I get it published, I will post a link.

Please pray with me, dear friends and readers. Pray that I be a vessel to carry the message that God wants me to deliver. Pray over this book that it be blessing to those who read it. 

The working title is “Don’t Stress; Be Blessed.” It deals with a lot of issues that help you let go of what brings you down and stresses you out and reveals the blessings God has for us. I hope it will be a tool for you and others to deal with issues of our heart and bring us closer to the Father. I know it has been for me. Joyce Meyers always says “I’m not gonna feed you something that God hasn’t already made me eat.” This has been my journey for the last several months. It is not a solution to end all stress, but a tool to help remind you of who is really the one who controls it all.