Control is a big deal for me. I grew up having no control over anything and wanting to control everything. I want to fix everything. I have found myself telling people, “Would it be okay if I showed you how to do that?” Because they weren’t doing it my way. As a believer, everything has to be out of my control and in the hands of God. It is hard. Especially in times when people are suffering.
We all have dealt with illness. We have all dealt with the death of someone we love. As a believer, I know that God can give divine health and miraculous healing. Having faith and fighting can be hard.
When I am sick, it is hard to fight when you have little strength physically to fight in the spirit. That is when corporate prayer with family and friends can be helpful. It is easy to put on your jammies, get in bed and whine. Now, doing things like resting when you are not feeling well can be good for you, but whining is a compromise to your confession. Once I get through that, I realize that God can do his work when I do my part, confess healing. My symptoms seem bad, but God is working in me. I am not saying medicine is not a gift of wisdom from God. Take medicine, but also, ask God for help! Trust that His word is true.
It is harder for me when someone I know is in pain. A dear friend of mine has been fighting for a while against cancer. My mom was diagnosed 5 years ago with cancer. My first impulse when facing cancer used to be to crumble and cry since I lost my mother in law to cancer 6 years ago. When my mother told me her diagnosis, I did my best to keep it together in her presence, but the first thing I did when she left my house was to run to into my husband’s arms and cry. I did not want to lose her. Fear was controlling me. I have had to work for years to overcome that impulse and to stand strong and confess healing. I know now that my mother was healed and continues to be healthy. When you are in the middle of it, it is hard to be strong. Joshua 1:9 says “Have I not commanded you: Be strong and courageous, do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” When we can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel and our human minds can’t wrap our head around things getting better, we have to remember that God is here. God is working. Proverbs 3:5 says “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding”
When I see that pain and suffering that my loved ones go through, I want to just take the burden off of them and put it on me. I want to take away their pain if only for a little while and carry it for them. I would rather suffer than to watch them suffer through it. I tend to think of myself as a strong person. I have overcome some hurdles and have stood through some battles in my life. And if I could use my strength to fight for them, I would. Especially my children and husband, I want so badly for them to never feel pain, never to suffer and I would be willing to take all that pain for them. I don’t have the ability, and I don’t have the right, because Jesus beat me to it. Jesus has already taken that on. I don’t have to. Jesus paid for their pain. He took their place on the cross. It is so human of me to think that I could take on their pain, that I could help relieve them. But I am only HUMAN. God sent his son to take our place.
So many times I find myself trying to be God.
I want to control the future. I want to be the master of my destiny. I want to take on their pain. I want to save others. I want to make these huge decisions and I want things to go MY WAY! I think I know what is best for me and mine and the world would just be a better place if I was incharge of all the silly people who mess up all the time. I am a little crazy. You can say it. I know it. It’s childish to think I can do all these things.
I am not God. I am just a control freak human. I cannot fathom the possibilities of the future or how things will work in the right harmony so that I get what I need. I can empathize with others, but I cannot possibly put myself in their position to understand what is truly right for them. I cannot in all my wisdom even comprehend the sacrifice that would be required of me to give my child for all of humanity. I had a difficult time understanding for an hour or so how having less classes next semester for nursing is actually A GOOD THING! We are selfish, we are disobedient, we are not faithful like God is.
I hear people (including myself) say, “Let Go, and Let God.” Do my part and trust that He will do His. It is so easy to say. It is so hard to practice. It’s hard to see that God is working even when we aren’t fussing over it. He actually works better if we aren’t fussing. Confession!
I am also the most impatient person on the planet at times. I can’t wait to have patience! I want what I want and I want it now! Healing is not always instantaneous. Miracles don’t always manifest instantly. I find myself praying that I need something, right now, urgently. And His answer most of the time is just wait. Wait and See what I have for you! I don’t know better than God. He is the author of my fate. Why do I not trust that He will help me when I need help?
God is love. Love is patient. My Father is so patient and forgiving of me. Instead of trying to be God, I should try to be more like him. Kind, patient, forgiving, faithful…
Revelations 12:11 says “They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.” We will overcome the same way. THE BLOOD OF THE LAMB and THE WORD OF OUR TESTIMONY. God did his part already. We don’t need to do it. He sent His Son and He keeps His promises. Our part is to get our mouth and our thoughts in line with His word. We have to be obedient and faithful.
So I am letting go and Letting God. It sounds simple, but it takes a lot of faith and trust to walk in peace. Will you join me today in this walk?